A Game

the weekend is over. my suicide mission complete.

i'm not dead yet

but at the same time,

mission status: incomplete

so now what? where's my next move? it's tough to make that decision right now. i can't see the whole board. even if i could, people aren't chess pieces. they don't make predictable, rational moves. emotions fuck everything up.

i pride myself on my ability to open and my epic talent with end games, but i'm stuck in the middle game right now. who knows where this will go. i just have to let the game develop. there are two players here, each with their own mechanisms and desires

problem is: this isn't a game. people get hurt. people have gotten hurt. i'm pretty sure there will be more pain in the future, but all you need is that one day to make you feel more alive than you ever thought you could be to reassure you. i need some more of those days